Saturday, May 14, 2005

A woman talks about a rat that lives in her wall

this is an audio post - click to play


Blogger Patrick said...

Thanks for leaving this story. I'm sorry you have a rat in your wall. If you want me to put your name in the title of the post, let me know (and let me know what it is, obviously).

4:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey pat, i just listened to my blog, i can impossibly tell you my name now. it was boring as fuck. and i really wanted to improve and saw myself dialling your number again, but unfortunately you'll have to put some additional coins in, there's no space.
in this very short time i developed a ratter need to post again, this is interesting to me. it clearly has to do with me walking home today, and i saw this guy davin, yeah, davin, i'm totally going to name you here. the story is, that i met davin at a bar about a month ago. after a long conversation of three hours davin insisted on walking me home. he thinks it's dangerous. or he just wanted to lay somebody. davin is this pale, skinny kid. he's 28 but still looks 18. so anyways, he walked me home. as i turned the key in my door, and davin had already left, i realized i kinda liked the guy. so i called him, i know the rule by now, 2days later. but davin never called back (i'm not sure by the way if he's not called davan). so i just forgot about davin. davan. i'd never call somebody twice (so don't make the fucking mistake of not calling me back. immediately! (only applies if you're a weird skinny pale kid)
so now that i walk home, as i cross the bridge around grand, who do i see? D. (to avoid possible mistakes) is turning right onto the street i'm walking on (driggs?). i've seen him before, so as we established a habit, i pretend to not see him. so does he. then i cross. and he has to cross as well, which would mean at that point, we would walk directly behind eachother. but davin, d. diddi doesn't seem to cross (i can't really judge the situation, cause i can't look back, have to be cool) so i walk. walk. after 10 seconds i can't let it be, i look back, and what do i see, diddi is hiding behind a bridge pol and glancing in my direction. ok, davi, what's the fucking deal? did i ever seem intending to harass you? touch your peepee?
instantly i call my roommate. she knows about dee, who has proven himself to be a fucky now twice already. after all, fucky steps into the sunlight again, from behind the pol, and walks behind me, about 15 feet maybe. ok, i'm just walking home now.

as soon as i was home, i discussed it with my roommate in the shower (no it's not some cheap porn plot set up, but yes, she was showering.) and i was calling davin, davan. of course he didn't pick up. i left a voice mail.

if you read this dicky, post my audio mail here!

6:58 PM  
Blogger Patrick said...

That davan/davin sounds like a passive-aggresive stalker. I'd watch out for him. Do you think he listens or reads to this?

How did you find out about the blog? Just curious.

Keep posting.

7:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i saw you at a show last thursday and became seriously interested in taking some golf lessons with you. but then this rat thing came up.

11:55 PM  
Blogger Patrick said...

Yes, at Nick and Jessi's room. I can't believe that performance inspired anyone to want to take up golf.

10:12 AM  
Anonymous LC said...

Yeah, weird, that performance inspired me to take up floor hockey...Brooklyn style! Ok I have to vent about my roomate. I can only refer to her as my roomate for another week or so as our sublet which brought us together is coming to an end and come June 1st, we'll both be relocating. So what better time to think of the good ol times together and shed a few tears, followed by some cartwheels and dramatic sighs of relief after recalling the ridiculous roomate fights that result when two strong-willed women share a tiny flat.
My favorite was the night we decided to do laundry together and dress up in absurd outfits to do so. We live in Williamsburg and wanted to take the hipster stereotype to its limit. We both retreated to our rooms, had 15 minutes to come up with something before coming out and revealing ourselves. I got ghetto fabulous and put on my oversized college sweatpants, boxers peaking out of the top, bandanna, side-ways hat, the works. It seemed so far from what I would normally wear that I thought it would be perfect. I also thought I looked convincing and was fully prepared to hang out on the corner with the boys at the airbrush shop and yell, "Ay, Mami!" at every female that passes by. She, on the other hand, went the crazy-old-Irish-Washerwoman route and had on a plethora of colors, patterns, fabrics, sunglasses, heels, and our kitchen broom for a prop. Think: Lucy meets Dragqueen.

Well she didn't approve of the absurdity level of my choice and insisted that instead I dress up like a man and paint on a mustache. I refused, being the social anxiety-ridden, fickle little person that I am. Not that I don't love a good round of gender-bending.. but a mustache!!?? I refused and it started a vicious and draining argument that went from some simple facial hair to the fundamentals of our friendship. She questioned my feminism, I questioned her diet. It was a disaster. In the end, we didn't do our laundry. We did make up over a late-night egg and a netflick but I never quite got over the verbal beating and the memory of her German-accented voice screaming, "You will wear the fucking Moostach!"

With that said, I can see why Davan, Dee Dee, pale white boy may have chosen to seek refuge in that bridge pole.

3:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ok, lc, you think you know it all?

remember, when you once had this ben&jerry's ice cream can thingy? i rember exactly what it was called "half baked, fully twisted" or something like that. i had never heard this before, and saw myself at home, alone, at about ten o'clock, without any food. but there was ben and jerry's. so i just decided to rip of the lid, without damaging the plastic wrapped around it. it worked. so i ate one third of it. and then tought i could just sort of fluff it up with a spoon so it would look like there's still everything in there. it seemed to work, looked a little to mixed, mushed....not really like two different components twisted into eachother. still. i put the lid on it, forcefully, german-style (may i at this point draw your attention to my swiss citizenship. less intense, more sneaky). in shock i noticed that the plastic HAD cracked. i was fucked. what to do?
ok. wait. i remembered having seen this label "ben & jerry's" somewhere. it must be a popular brand i thought. i was just going to try it at the grocery store at our corner, lc, you know, the one with the noisy stuffed-animal-crane-grabbing machine "bi di di di, bi di di di". it was dark, and still a little...breezy outside. nevertheless, i took off, in a hurry fearing the tought you could come home to early and see the lack of your ice cream. maybe you had even not touched it for days, and this was going to be the night, the night you would give yourself a treat.
i ran out to this store, the five spanish guys in there were being friendly, as usual, but i was being unusually hasty. i stormed to the ice box, there they were, b&j's, i almost shovelled through all the cans i could find. several times. no half baked, fully twisted. fucking name.
i was going to take it easy. there was still the shady drugdealer joint, covered as the corner deli, on grand and union. i ran there. i was sweating, alltough it was freezing outside. got there, did the same shovelling exercise again, just more stressed. more scared.
not twisty cans. what did i think, it was not summer, not even really spring, barely april, who would stack ice cream?? key foods. i yelled at the manager, they were closing. he offered to order it. "to fucking late!!" i screemed running out. i made the whole tour. over to graham. all the delis and grocerys at metropolitan. hana foods. the chinese spot across from it. remarkably they stacked ice cream from 2001. relatively impressed i stumbled over to kellog's diner. my hopes were destroyed.

but- they had it! praise the greeks! neat people! half backed, but fully twisted!

threw the other one away, and put the new one in the fridge. after 30 minutes of running.

beat that bitch!

6:18 PM  
Blogger Patrick said...

I like that two roommates are fighting in the comments section of an audio posting about a rat that lived and died inside a wall. It sounds as though you two have some issues to settle, mainly with ice cream. Never let a tub of Ben and Jerry's ruin a friendship.

You know what I wish? I wish that you two would one up each other with audio blogs. And don't get me wrong, I love the back and forth comment/stories but I'd love to hear these.

10:58 AM  
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8:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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2. Avoid the tempting lure of caffeine or sugar-laden foods such as coffee, tea or chocolate. Caffeine may perk up your energy levels temporarily, but it also has a bad habit of leaving you sluggish after the effect has worn off. Instead, choose whole grain foods, fruits and vegetables to give your body the fuel it really wants! Eating healthier will boost your mood, elevate your alertness, change anxiety pill and make you feel better all day long.

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4. Sometimes, afternoon slumps can be your body’s way of telling you that it needs something. You may be feeling tired if your blood sugar is low (which happens especially after the effect of those caffeine and high sugar foods has worn off!). Packing a low calorie snack like graham crackers, granola, fruit or vegetable slices can give your body a boost and keep you from feeling hungry in the late afternoon and caving in to the urge to devour the entire contents of the vending machine after work!

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11:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Everyone has days when they are down, worn out, overcoming anxiety and just not feeling all that happy.

That's OK, you need to have days like this, otherwise how would you know when you are happy. You need to have something to contrast your happiness with. What is black without white?

Even though you know that sadness (overcoming anxiety) is a part of life, let's try to make it a small part of life.

With that said, here are a few tips to help you feel better when you are feeling down in the dumps. They are easy to do, easy to practice every day and they work!

1. Stand up straight, sit up straight. When your body is in alignment your energy can flow and when your energy is flowing freely, you can flow.

2. Smile! Yes, just smile. Easy to do and effective.

3. Repeat positive affirmations. Things like "I feel good", "Positive energy flows through my body", "I see the good in all".

4. Listen to some music that you like. It doesn't have to be anything specific, just something you enjoy. Certain types of music work better than others, but experiment and see what works for you. Studies have shown that Classical music and new age music work best.

5. Take some time out for yourself, relax and read a book, do something for yourself.

6. Meditate. Meditation is an excellent habit to develop. It will serve you in all that you do. If you are one who has a hard time sitting still, then try some special meditation CDs that coax your brain into the meditative state. Just search for "Meditation music" on Google or Yahoo and explore.

Our outside work is simply a reflection of our inside world. Remember there is no reality just your perception of it. Use this truth to your advantage. Whenever you are sad, realize that it is all in your mind and you do have the power to change your perception.

These tips will lift you up when you are down, but don't just use them when you are sad or overcoming anxiety . Try and practice them everyday, make them a habit. You will be surprised at how these simple exercises will keep the rainy days away.

On a final note, if you are in a deep depression that you can't seem to shake, please go see a doctor. This is your life and don't take any chances. overcoming anxiety

5:45 PM  
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9:59 AM  
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1:50 AM  
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10:57 AM  

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